I haven't updated in a while...

But I'm going to now because I have to complain and the best place to complain is to myself. Warning: Post ahead contains pregnancy hormones. Read at your own risk.

Ben's schedule is hard to get used to. He has three-four days off at a time, so he's here... all day. Every day. For four days. This wouldn't be bad if I could get over the fact that he is Ben, and not some perfect husband that I concocted. He's a great guy and I love him and that should be enough, right?

But then, there's times like yesterday... He's been obsessed with this chicken house project because he wants to get 50 chickens by the end of June. That's fine, great, whatever, but that's a month away. We have company (my brother and Ben's parents) coming over THIS WEEKEND. And yet when I mentioned him helping me clean up, he seemed to think the damn chicken house was more important.

The house is a mess. The carpets are... gross, due to dogs. There's McDonalds trash all over the yard because Ben didn't take the trash out last night and the dogs got in it. We still have groceries in their bags that haven't been put away yet. There's dishes to be done, surfaces to clean, carpets to vacuum, trash to pick up... and Mori's being a you-know-what.

My nerves feel shot. I'm sick as a dog. I have no, I mean, no energy. I just want to curl up on the couch and cry, except that wouldn't help anything and I can't justify it. My brother won't get ahold of me for his flight information and I'm afraid he's going to cancel, in which case we'd be out $150 that we'd never see again.

And the cake-topper of this whole pity party?

It's my 21st birthday. I don't want to be puking and cleaning and trying not to yell at the child on my birthday. I wanted a happy day, maybe we'd go outside and play in the sun, settle down and read a book... Preferably not be sick.

I have made a solemn oath that I will not be pregnant on my next birthday. This is the second time in a row. And it's not fun.
-------------------------------- END COMPLAINING

God, I can't wait until school starts. I'm so excited. I need my math book and then I won't have to worry about ANY books. It'll give me two whole days to be away from the family (which sounds horrible but I think it will really help my sanity.). I'll finally be on the road to where I want to be. It's exciting!

Oh! And Tuesday we met with the midwife, Kathy. I have to admit, she's pretty awesome. When she learned that Summer didn't help us with the birth cert. paperwork she seethed. She seems very cheerful and understanding, and I can see her being at the birth and really being encouraging and involved. Which is great, since that's what I want with a midwife.

We're going to steam-clean the carpets before the birth. Even though that's OMG-far-away, it's nice to think about. Nice clean carpet for new baby.

I almost told my mom. She mentioned that I was 21 and now could drink, and at first I thought she was being mean, and then I realized that she didn't know. But I couldn't tell her. It's just... not time.

Anyway. Done here for now. Kudos!