Mentally, at least.
I tend to dig up things that shouldn't be dug up. Just to inflict the pain upon myself. Friendships or old relationships that really don't need to be rememebered, people who I haven't spoken to for years, that sort of thing.
And, then, of course, I contact these people... and have nothing to say. "Oh, hey, remember me from, uh, four years ago? Yeah! How are you?" You can only keep a conversation going for so long when you start off like that.
Why can't I just let things go? I dunno. Maybe it's nostalgia. Maybe it's masochism. Maybe i'm yearning for that time when such-and-such was going good or who knows, maybe I'm just fucking lonely.
Despite having friends, none of them are close... and even if they were, they're not the kind of friends you attach yourself too, you know? I'm really hoping school will help this, because I'm a bit sick of being alone.
Anyway, kudos. Just had to think out loud.
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3 comments:
If it makes you feel any better, your not the only one with few friends. Craig and I run into that problem alot. lol. Not to mention, good friends are hard to find anymore. Especially if you 1.) dont go bar hopping 2.) are not wealthy 3.) dont want friends who will "talk smack" about you. :-)
Oh BTW, sorry about not being able to visit tomorrow. I really wanted to come and see the new hen house and hens. I also was looking forward to going with you to your apt. :-( Boo. We'll have to plan to do something else soon!
i miss you. :p
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