I let my child cry tonight, and I hate myself for it.

Let me start by saying I am NOT a fan of "Crying it out" (CIO), where a parent lets a child cry until they fall asleep. I don't see the need for it, I believe that it breaks a trust of Child-cry-Parent-respond, and I think it's heart-breaking. I do, however, respect other people's opinions, and try not to judge them by how they get their child to sleep every night.

Tonight I made a mistake. It's been a busy day and I figured Mori would crash and sleep for a good four hours, like she normally does. So she went to bed without a problem. I started drinking. We have some wine, Mike's Lemonaide, and some beer in the fridge... I overdid it a bit.
She woke up an hour after I had started drinking. By then I had downed a few, enough to be giggly and half-asleep and in that dream-like buzzed state.

I heard her cry. In the back of my mind, I thought "I should go get her.". But I swear, my body wouldn't move. I was comfortable, I was happy, I was buzzed. Somewhere, I got the idea that she needed to learn to go to sleep on her own, and I shouldn't nurse her back to sleep. Soo.. I didn't.

God, she cried for what seemed like forever. And after about ten minutes, I cried with her, but for some reason I still didn't get her. I didn't go get her.
I'm still crying, and it's been a while. I can't believe I just let her cry herself to sleep! That's just not my way. I hate hearing her cry. I hate not being there for her. And I remember when she was finally calming down, hearing her horrible, sleepy sobs.

I feel like such a bad mother, and such a hypocrite. And it had been such a fun day. Why didn't I just go get it? I didn't HAVE to nurse her.. I could have just held her, cuddled her, let her know she wasn't alone in the dark bedroom, and that I was there.

I don't deserve my child.